I Never Knew You
by sirbotwhatcamefromallthatspace
Summary: I hate to waste a good angst title on a bad humor, but what the heck. Anyhoo, feel free to read it. Yeah.
1. Operation Impending Doom III

I NEVER KNEW YOU  
  
Disclaimer: Me no owny Zimmy. Or the Boys of Summer, the Ataris, Send Me on My Way, or for that matter the Bible.  
  
Summary: The title sounds angsty (my word) but the story's actually really CRAZY. Jesus says that in the Baptist bible at this church with crazy people I went to once (no offense to Baptists. not all of these crazy people were Baptists) and I thought it sounded cool so I named my insane fic after the quote...anywho...20 years later, and Zim's NOT married to Gaz. DUM DUM DUUUUUUMMM  
  
Chapter 1: Operation Impending Doom III  
  
"Galactic conquest is...near...galactic conquest is...near..."  
  
The crowd bustled with excitement as the announcer dude did his stuff and announced Operation Impending Doom III. The Tallest Almighty Irk floated down and once again lazers shot across the room over the other Irkens' heads.  
  
"And now..." Red said again as he finished the same speech he'd recited 20 years ago. "Gorge yourselves--on the curly fries Invader Skoodge finally got the Horrible Rat People to serve us."  
  
But there was something strange going on in the crowd. Aliens were scattering, looking freaked out, and a voice could be heard crying faintly "Get out of the way! Move!" and ect.  
  
"Oh, no..." Purple mouthed right before being shot in the eye by one of the lazers...again.  
  
The alien climbed onto the stage thing. He lowered his head, and then got to his feet with a menacing glare.  
  
"ZIM."  
  
"Let me guess," said a recovering Purple. "You quit being banished again."  
  
Zim saluted, "Yes sir, Had I not found out about this "Operation Impending Doom III" I would still being frying burgers, I assure you."  
  
'Eyebrows' raised, Red asked, in a most exasperated tone of voice, "What do you want, Zim?"  
  
"I want a planet besides Foodcortia!!" he quickly proclaimed.  
  
"We can't do that, Zim."  
  
The alien sighed. Feeling defeated, he lasped into the memory of that fateful...DAY...  
  
"Good EVENING Children of the Dirt. Are you THIRSTY for chicken? Because the Dirty Chicken of DIRT has a seeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeecret!"   
  
Zim rolls his eyes as GIR, for the 17 billionth time(and I mean literally!), explains that he "loves this shoooooooooooow..."  
  
The alien is about to severely harm the robot, but of course before he can there is a knock at the door.  
  
The Zim gets up and promptly flushes himself down the toilet, as he is not wearing his disguise. "GIR," he commands the SIR in dog dress. "Answer the door."  
  
GIR salutes with a metallic "Yes SIR!". Then he walked over to the door, took a sip of his diet poop cola, and opened it.  
  
None other than the DIB is behind that door. He barges right in. This causes GIR to go into Defensive Mode, during which he uses the most advanced in SIR technology...except he forgets the most advanced SIR technology and falls asleep.  
  
Dib, the weird, trenchcoated paranormal-investigating odd kid, runs into the kitchen and stuck his oversized head into the toilet. "Iiiiiiiiiii knoooooooooooow ybooooor dooown theeere...". Now he jumps into the water. Upon realizing he can't reach the flusher-thingy, Dib glances up and sees the SIR sipping his diet poop.  
  
"I'M ON A DIET!" GIR exclaims. Then he starts to walk away, singing his favorite song. "DDOOOMY DOOMY DOOM DIET DOOM COLA POOP DOOOOM..."  
  
"Wait!" the Dib drowns. Yes, he drowned. DROWNED THE WORDS! (laughs ominously)  
  
GIR spins around. "Could you give me a hand?" Dib asks him frankly, pointing to the flusher-thingy.  
  
GIR ponders this. His data confirms that this is Dib. Who is this Dib?! He can't remember. Is it his master? Is it that crazy kid named Dib? He takes a long sip of the Poop Cola before announcing his descision of toilety fates.  
  
"OKAY!!"  
  
GIR flushes Dib down the toilet.  
  
Down in the lab, the human lands on his freakishly large head. He gets up and glares.  
  
Zim, seeing that he's out of costume and all, starts screaming. "AH!! AH!!! AHHHHHHHHHHH-oh, whatever you've seen me out of costume lots of times."  
  
"So you admit it?!" is Dib's query. "You ADMIT that you're an alien?!"  
  
Zim pauses. "...well...yeah. Yeah, I do. What, do you have like a tape recorder or something?"  
  
The Dib's eyes widen. He slowly backs away. "I'll be right back."  
  
Green-boy laughs at this. First quietly, then loudly, then CRAZILY! And then, just because he feels like it, he talks to himself about every detail of his evil plan, the armada, Irk, and chicken.  
  
And Dib is hiding in the bushes outside the house with his tape recorder.  
  
And that's it.  
  
The Zim ended up having to leave Earth. If the humans found out about him at least he wouldn't be there anymore.  
  
And he left Earth...the tallest found about this little slip and it was back to foodcourtia...  
  
Zim snapped out of it. "Was I...talking out loud just now?"  
  
"Yeah," answered Purple.  
  
"You would have thought it would have been more elaborate than that," Red commented.  
  
"Or even remotely ironic," added Purple, and got zapped again.   
  
Zim was all remembery now...what's that word I'm looking for...nostalgic! Zim was all nostalgic now and he'd made up his mind. (Oh yeah, did I mention his height nor mind had evolved much at all in the twenty years?) "My tallest, I should go back to Earth."  
  
Purple recovered again, and now he was eating snacks. Purple liked snacks. So instead Red spoke. "You're just attached to that planet, Zim!"  
  
But he was already in his voot cruiser thingy and off toward the ball of dirt. "Fools!!" he exclaimed. "No invader starts a mission he can't finish!"  
  
END CHAPTER.  
  
That was the best thing I've ever written. So if that sucked, then boy do I suck. 


	2. On My Way

Chapter 2: On My Way  
  
Author's Note: On My Way refers to that great song On My Way that was in Matilda then Ice Age and is driving me insane right now. So I named a chapter after it so I could remember how crazy it drove me. Ooh! Ooh! Remember how I drove you crazy...remember how you made me sick...blah blah blah...your not home...after the boys of summer have gone...hmm. Ever have two songs in your head at once? It ain't pleasant. Anyway, to understand this chapter, you have to know that song. If you don't, well, tough luck man.  
  
6 months later, Zim waited in his spaceship, still silently hoping the Tallest hadn't heard him call them fools.This was driving him crazy for 6 months straight. Now he had to do something about it...even if it meant...singing...the...doom...song.  
  
He clenched his teeth and started,   
  
"Dooo-" But then a transmission came through. "Incoming planet Earth"  
  
"Phew," the alien sighed, relieved. "Saved by the transmission. Er...AH HA HA HA...ha. Now I shall come back to Earth and reign DOOM upon their filthy EARTHEN heads! AHAHAHAHA!!!"  
  
Down on Earth, a grown up (um, I can't really imagine what Dib would look like grown up. whatever. use your human imaginations, stink-beasts) Dib wore his headset from when he was (10, 12, 11?) and sat on the roof. He stood up, shocked at what he had heard.  
  
"No."  
  
And not half an hour later, Gir was still in the old house sipping the same can of Diet Poop. By now it was empty, but he didn't care and continued sipping, making loud empty can noises. Suddenly, his master came through the door and meagerly walked off to the kitchen and down the toilet. GiR froze for about 30 seconds as usual and absorbed the moment. Then he cried out in happiness and turned on the Scary Monkey Show, 20th Anniversary Edition.  
  
"Hello Earthen children, do not fear me, I am Zim, NOW LET US LEARN!" Zim quickly recited. And he collasped in his new desk. Looking around, the Zim noticed that the children had changed A LOT. And where was Dib-monkey...wait a minute...these weren't the usual children at all. They were NEW children. And then he remembered something. Humans aged. Quite quickly. And baaadly.  
  
Miss Bitters, now celebrating her 2,003rd birthday, slithered over to the green boy. "Wait a minute..." she hissed. "I remember you...you're that Zim boy."  
  
Zim stood on his desk. "Nonsense," he replied. "I am Zim Jr., son of Zim. He died in a tragic...dying...accident...I SHALL LEARN!"  
  
Satisfied (sort of), the teacher disappeared into the shadows behind her desk. "Okay, students, today we have 2 HORRIBLE new students. That kid," she said, pointing to Zim. "and this pathetic filler kid who thinks he has a speaking role," and the kid she points to mouths words at this but nothing is heard.  
  
DUM DUM DUUUUM!  
  
Zim sits down at his desk. "Ah, back at the old block of wood with mishapen horrible metal legs." Suddenly, that song "Send Me on My Way" starts playing on the speaker thingy that the principal likes to talk through. Erie music accompanies this, as all the students just sit there and pretend the song isn't making them insane inside.   
  
Finally, Zim gets up on his desk, screams, says "AH I CAN'T TAKE IT!" and falls to the floor twitching.  
  
Miss Bitters snarls. "ZIM JR.! The priiiiiiiiiiiincipal'll get you for that. Now GO!" she points to the door,  
  
Zim gets up and puts his hands behind his back and marchs out all dignified.  
  
(I used to do that all the time at school. It drove my classmates completely insane. How fun!)  
  
Outside in the hall, happy, upbeat music starts playing. How very happy. But then, Zim realizes what song it is.  
  
"QUIT DOIN' THAT!"  
  
End Chapter  
  
Told ya so. I know I'm just takin' my sweet time getting a plot for this thing, but that's how all great works are done. Right. 


	3. Visitor of Summer

Chapter 3: Visitor of Summer  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Zim, the Ataris, South Park, or Gameslave.   
  
Author's Note: Visitor refers to alien 'cause the boys at South Park call 'em visitors. Of Summer refers to the other song I have in my head, The Boys of Summer by the Ataris. And it sounds cool!  
  
At this time Dib is at home. He wasn't very successful in the "real science" field. I know this because he still lives with his dad, But since Professor Membrane is always gone doin' important stuff, it's like he has his own house. Yeah. Anyhoo, he's up on his roof again listening for sounds from space. Somehow he jumps and lands in the sink inside the house.  
  
"Gaz! The aliens are coming back!"  
  
Gaz stands in the room waiting for her laundry to finish. That's right, she's just here to do laundry.  
  
"You're pathetic."  
  
The Dib starts to climb out of the sink, but his laptop, which conveinently was not damaged by sink waters, starts to to pick something up.  
  
"That house...THAT HOUSE," say Dib, as he hops out of the sink and scurries away.  
  
Gaz sighs. "Oh well. As long as I'm here I guess I'll make pause TOAST!"  
  
And at THAT HOUSE, Zim walks in the door. He stands there for a moment and then exclaimes, "STUPID HUMAN!"   
  
GIR walks up to Zim happily. "What'sa matter, master?"  
  
"I got suspended for going insane because of that MADNESS song! That horrible, ma-"  
  
He stops. GIR and Zim turn around slowly. The madness dog is sitting there by the door. The two scream crazily. Then someone knocks on the door. Zim, out of disguise, stops screaming and runs for the toilet, but GIR just keeps screaming. Anyway, Zim flushes himself and GIR down the toilet. You get the point.  
  
Outside, Dib is behind the door. "I hear you in there you lil' robot!!" he yells. "I HATE that lil' robot!"  
  
People on the street stare mindlessly at Dib. "What are you lookin' at?!"  
  
Down in the lab, er, "normal human basement", GIR continues to scream for several seconds, then falls on the floor asleep.  
  
Zim walks over to the computer. "Computer. Show me who's at the door."  
  
"Command voice not recognized."  
  
"What? I am Zim!!" cries the alien.  
  
"Just kidding," the computer says quickly. "I'm just messin' with ya."  
  
"Of course you are, you joker you...NOW WHO'S AT THE DOOR?!!"  
  
The computer brings up Dib knocking on the door. "Subject identified as Dib."  
  
GIR suddenly runs up to the computer screen. "I'M GONNA EAT A RAT!!!" he screeches. "I can hardly wait!"  
  
Zim smacks his green head in exasperation. "I don't deserve this. GIR, when a lead roll can't stand on its own, a slightly dumb sidekick is cast. Do you know why?"  
  
GIR grins. "I don't know. That's what's great about it!"  
  
"Because of these FILTHY humans! That's why! And I'm going to make them (the computer shows planet earth) paaaaaaaay." Zim answered his question.  
  
Pause.  
  
"You know that isn't a suitable cliffhanger, right?" GIR asks.  
  
At lunch the next day at school (Zim's little suspension seemed to be over).  
  
Zim walks over to the pop table.  
  
"Not pretty enough!"  
  
He tries the nerd table.  
  
"Not smart enough!"  
  
Finally he walks (dignifiedly, of course, and I know thats not a word) over to a table with a few kids. They had stuff like braces, pigtails, and...braces. Ah, the social outcasts. Zim sat down at this table.  
  
Zim looks at the inhabitants of the table, slowly picks his fork up, and chews on his mashed potatoes. He now relaxes and eats on his terrible food.  
  
"I have this uncle who says you're an alien," a girl on the other side of the outcast table says suddenly.  
  
The Zim spits out his food. Ptui! Ptui! "What? I'm normal!"  
  
"Whatever." Then the girl gets her backpack and takes out her gameslave 10.  
  
3 other girls walk by. They travel in packs. One of them says, "Uhg! What are you doing with that dork, Alex?"  
  
Alex turns around. "He's not a dork...well, he is, but he's also an alien."  
  
The pack is not amused. They walks to their popular table, annoyed.  
  
"Hey," says another kid. "So you're Zim JR. I have a JR in my name too. I'm Keef JR."  
  
THUD! Zim falls face first into his maccaroni and cheese. "It's going to be a loooong day."  
  
END CHAPTER  
  
In the next chapter Zim shall be sent home for severe macaroni and cheese burns. Kay? I hate to end it there. I know the name 'Alex' is used by everyone everywhere. But I love that name. For a girl, anyway. If you're a boy and you're name is Alex, chances are I think you're weird. Alex is NOT a Marysue. And if you know who her mother is then, well, yay for you.   



End file.
